THE WALK BACK HOME

 I was reading a book sitting right in front of the cooler and enjoying the cold gush of air ,which was a great relief from the sultry weather.Lost in its text i was moving in deep in my own world.I was feeling great after a tiring day    of schooling and tuition classes ,all i wanted to do was sit back and relax even the rattling of the coolers motor was not disturbing.Suddenly a shrill shout came breaking through that sound and brought  me back from my world of peace and serenity.the shout was bubbling with anger and the mere frequency of it was enough for me to realize that my mom had returned from the vegetable market.Again she shouted my name.I jumped from my bed and opened the front door .My moms shout  makes me more athletic than i usually am ,i reached to the door within a second.As i opened the door there she was  fuming with anger and rage.She started screaming at me and strangely though while doing the same she also told me what happened at the  market.the skyrocketing price of vegetables and the attitude of the grocers gave her a headache.She asked me to get dressed and accompany her to the weekly market located at 1/2 a kilometer from our house.I lost it but sadly what could have i done in front of my mom .I got up ,got dressed ,picked up the the bags,locked the door.I was still angry on her for dragging me with her and shouting at me.As we got out of our front door we didn't talk.we decided to go through the park and my mom cooled down to her normal self and started asking about the latest happenings in our colony.We kept walking ,talking about various things and taking a dig at our some people which was our favorite time pass.Soon we were laughing and exchanging jokes .
Going to the market was always an advantage as i could choose the veggies to be bought and i particularly liked selecting the fresh ones.I was already planning to buy some mangoes and watermelons.Somehow mom always agreed to buy something i suggested ,when i accompanied her .The walk was proving to be pleasure some as the weather had become lite and a cool breeze was flowing .We met most of the uncle aunties in the way passing sick smiles at us and asking the same obvious and stupid question ,"Kahan challe"as if they would accompany us and carry our load on their backs.It was a time when mom usually caught up with me.She inquired about my future plans,friends and studies .As we reached the the starting the air was full  of spices and acute aroma of the pickles which were being offered at one corner,the  agarbati which was usually delightful made the air pungent as many chaat waalas were using them.i never understood the reason behind it.
the market was in the middle of nowhere it sprawled on all the lanes of the four way with each lane designated to different class of  vendors .There were green vendors ,fruit sellers ,cloth sellers and people selling miscellaneous house hold things like dish scratcher ,mice cages and aprons. An army of women who were master in the skill of  bargaining and PhD s at making out the good stock of vegetables had taken over the place .There shrill voice and continuous questions about the prices added with there comments and throat ripping hawking by the vendors made my head go in a tizzy .Now was the time when my mom took over.I followed her like an ass as she bought things and loaded them in the bags .I carried them on my shoulder and didn't ever allowed her to carry the weight ,this made me feel great and grown up. like a child i would feel wonders about helping my parents.We went from stall to stall and together we picked the veggies .I used to realize how this skill of selecting them would help me later in life.After buying the green my mom asked me what fruits i wanted to buy.Feeling as the king of my choice i bought many a things.Now as we were leaving came the time when i would always desire for a packet of popcorns  fresh and hot .My loving mom always  knew my mind and she herself without me even saying a word gave me a coin of Rs 5 .I would feel like the biggest some of money which i could desire was in my hand and i was going to buy the thing i wanted most in that instant.Adjusting the bags on my shoulder and trying to hold the packet in the most advantageous way way so i could munch in a  fistful of them at a time ,we started our journey back home .I really had a digg for the crunch. I remembered  how my mom would carry all the bags herself when we were small.I felt proud of my self as now i could carry the bags my self.Somehow this journey was that of  a lifetime ,how a parent nurtures his child and how a child supports his parents later.It bought me and mom even closer.I made up my mind to always accompany her from that day.The sun had set and the sky was clear every thing felt beautiful and i felt joyous from deep inside.Surely the journey back home was.........................

coming out

It was rather confusing and fascinating at the same time, i sat perplexed in front of my computer staring at its desktop filled with excitement after creating my account .Initially i was full of ideas and thoughts,i used to wonder about writing fascinating blogs and columns that would gain instant appreciation and thought, bot now here i was with a complete void in my mind the excitement had all crept under under the table scared from the systems light.

I was feeling shy ,which was a trait that i neither inherited nor it was ever a part of me .I felt like i am opening myself to a an unknown face of people which was always discouraging and that it would bring filthy comments.But deep within the only thing that kept me and everyone who goes blank on such occasions is the self criticism and scolding that someone or something inside us keep on lashing at us from time to time. This bastard which resides under every one of us is the collective form of our past experiences and nuances that we observe in one self. It is born out of our futile attempts to take corrective measures again our own shortcomings which as time passes by gets accumulated on the gutter cap of our memory and form a big ,strong and foul smelling mass of thoughts whose effect is foreseen on us .It is this unchecked blockage which keeps us back from just going for things which we know we can do.These thoughts of ours are like shackles and chains which contain us like slaves in the cells of our shell(mind).Sometimes the burden of this shit becomes so huge that the person gets dragged and loses his spark in life.He loses all his interest and makes a total geek of himself .

Ten minutes past away and i had started feeling the jitters as if i was an artist who has to perform in front of a packed audience,such was the mere pressure that my fingers kept away from the keyboard and knocking of the keys felt agonizing .But luckily though i gathered all and thought all i was doing was putting down some HAZARDOUS thoughts on my blog sitting in the comfort of my room .What harm could it would have done to me? ,on the contrary it helped me flush down the negativity that had been playing its game for quite some time now.

So people just let go loose of yourself and don"t no longer be threatened by your own self.