Some incidents change you forever, 14 February 2013 was the
day when one such thing happened to me. Before I go directly to it, I find it
almost necessary that I give you a background of events that led to that
fateful day. The atmosphere of Delhi was charged and discord was in the air.
The brutal rape of 23 year old physiotherapy student in the capital came up as
a wake up call to every citizen and especially the young. As a student myself,
I was shocked, disgusted and terrified. The facts about the case left the
citizenry sick and India faced one of its most sudden outbursts of public
anger. Huge crowds gathered at the historic Vijay Chowk, only to be beaten away
to their homes a few days later. Being an activist with a left oriented
students group( All India Students Association), I was among the people who
first took out demonstrations. It all started on 17 December, we assembled at a bus stop and decided to march to the
CM residence to demand speedy action in the case. The 50 odd group
constituted mainly of students from the different Universities and Institutes
in the city. All of us were near strangers. There was anger and confusion in everyones
eyes and no one talked to each other. Many had just heard about the
demonstration and came of their own discretion. When we arrived at the main
gate of her residence, we were stopped by a huge group of Delhi Police personnel.
I was standing against one of the barricades that they had placed with some
girls, all of them new faces. We started shouting slogans after slogans for a
while. Shouting along with the beats of the dhapli can get very exhilarating at
times. All of a sudden the policemen started hitting us with their lathis. I
got hit and felt a sudden sensation of pain arising in my lower arm, but even
before I could grunt, I saw that the girls beside me were being treated the
same way and the lady constables tried to get some of them away to the other
side of the barricades. Some of us were hurt, but none budged and we held on to
the barricades. It seemed so strange and unreal; We who considered ourselves as
the forerunners of the next generation, just angry at the crimes committed
against one of us; we were being treated like criminals, were we the culprits?
Why were we being beaten? If only the C.M had taken out the time to address us,
things could have been solved in a civil manner and an example could have been
set. Some minutes later a water cannon mounted on a truck was aimed at us,
someone in the background shouted, “Run….Run!” . In the confusion that
followed, adrenaline kicked in and for a moment everything went slow. A
shattering jet of cold water hit me on the chest and for a moment I couldn't
breathe. When I came back to my own I saw the people around me running away.
Right next to the spot I was standing a girl got hit right in her face and fell
down on the road; I rushed to her and picked her up and with the help of some
other fellow took her to a nearby pavement. Formerly I had never imagined that
I had it in me to save someone by exposing my own self to harm. Dispersed we
lay, drenched in water but it aroused our anger even more. We sat on the street
and held a meeting. All around me I saw strangers helping each other, sharing
water and cracking jokes. Now, we were strangers no more. The media covered the
whole crackdown and I actually gave a brief interview. The anger spread and
what followed was unprecedented.
In the protests that followed I got hit by lathis, water cannon
and tear gas more than a dozen times. I spent 10 days on the roads with hardly
any money in my pocket, distributing pamphlets and organizing daily protests.
Numerous groups joined in. We got huge participation from all walks of life but
there was hardly any instantaneous outcome of the agitation. I was disappointed
but reconciled myself to fact that people actually felt for the cause and so
many came out on the streets. I made many friends; people started recognizing
me and came up to share their experiences with me. My cell phone received scores
of calls from strangers who wanted to join and be the part of our movement. The
sense of camaraderie which I felt among that crowd of people was very satisfying.
We later began with our ‘Bekhauf Azaadi’ Camapign, which demanded stronger laws
for the protection of women through constitutional means. A people’s parade was
organized on Republic day after the conclusion of the parade ceremony at
Rajpath. We started from Arts Faculty, North Campus, in a bus, full of fellow
students, singing revolutionary songs and raising slogans. When we reached the
Mandi House Metro station from where we were supposed to start our march, we
already saw a big crowd gathered there. People were delighted to see us get
down from our bus. Many came forward and gave me hugs and waved hands. That
feeling is inexpressible; I felt like I had traveled back in time to the days
when our country was fighting for its freedom against the British Raj, though
this fight was against our own. Little children carried banners. Many
of our teachers from different colleges also joined in. Government employees
and housewives also constituted a major chunk. Students came in big numbers. The procession was about half a
kilometer long and bigger than anything I had ever seen. I was delighted. Somewhere
near Tolstoy Marg, a big car came halting right next to our group, an old lady
stepped out, dressed elegantly and with a walking stick in her hand. She was
bent with age. I couldn't help smiling at her. She heard one of my slogans and
came up to me and expressed her delight at seeing so many young boys and girls
coming out for a just cause. She gave me a little pat on the head and continued
walking with her assistance near hand. The parade was very successful and after
a few days we heard the news about the recommendations of the Justice Verma
Committee being included into the new amendment Bill passed to prevent sexual
violence. I had witnessed the fear and anger of the young. None of us wanted
the incident to be repeated. After that the wider agitations waned, we returned
to concentrating on the betterment of things in our campuses.
Some days
passed and the month of February arrived. Individual freedom and safety was the
high point on our agenda and in keeping with the same we decided on checking
any incidents of moral policing at north campus on Valentine's Day. Our plan
was to hold a meeting at Arts Faculty early morning. On that fateful Thursday,
I was staying at one of my friends place. The night before all the members of
my group had gone around the area distributing pamphlets and putting up
posters. Early morning I got a call from
Ragini, who was already at arts
Faculty with some other students who had been working with us for the last few
weeks. I got up in a hurry and left for the spot. On my way I called up
everyone, but to my dismay no one picked my call. I talked to one of my
comrades from the association and he asked me to get there and assemble those
people and take care of things till everyone arrived at the scene. At Arts
Faculty I met Ragini, Oshin and Ketaki. All of us had met at the republic day
parade. Oshin had to put up some posters at the different colleges, ketaki was
to accompany her and Ragini wanted to attend a class in the mean time. Since
the meeting stood postponed, I decided to help them put up posters. We started
talking and to everyone things looked normal as we could see a lot of people
going about their normal routine. We didn’t come across any saffron brigade or
moral policing troops on our way. We kept walking and reached Hindu College,
there we parted with Ragini. As soon as the three of us entered the premises of
Hindu, I saw groups of students hurrying to and fro. Swarms of students were
moving towards the courtyard located near the boys hostel of the college.
Though the hullabaloo there was nothing new to us or to the college but there
was something different about it that day. I associated it with the special
day. When we reached the courtyard, there we saw a big crowd standing around
one of the trees there. Then it all became clear, it was the famous Virgin tree
of Hindu College. I had read much about it in the newspapers and the Valentine
’s Day pooja that the students performed. We were excited and decided to stay
and witness the proceedings. Groups of boys and girls stood around cheering the
group of boys from the hostel who were decorating the tree with ribbons and
water filled condoms. Most of them, whom I knew to be netas , wearing their
white shirts and forehead adorned with saffron tilaks were overseeing the
decoration. Girls and boys cheered and some of them giggled at the odd shaped
condoms. A poster was also hanging on the tree which read ‘Damdami Mai’( Mai
stands for mother and the euphemism involved was clear) and many multi colored
packets of contraceptives were also on display. The three of us laughed and shared
jokes like the hundred people gathered there. We were impressed at the level of
tolerance observed at the college. We were standing near the pedestal around
the tree when someone gave me a pat on the shoulder. It was Shweta, she was the
sister of one of my fellows at the association. She was a student there. After
exchanging greeting we stood among the crowd with some of her friends. I told
her that this practice is something unique and it’s great to see that everyone
participated in it. A scowl emerged on her face and she told that the whole
practice is sexist and highly disrespectful of women. Though I got the feeling
earlier when I had read the poster but I didn't wanted to believe it. She told
me that the boys from the hostel who were now making the arrangements throw the
water filled condoms at women once the pooja is concluded. This was to the
utter surprise of the three of us. She also told us that the ritual is
performed inside the boys hostel and women who wanted to participate are
expected to follow the others there. Shweta told us that many girls and even
lecturers had complained about the total mayhem that follows the ritual but the
administration always turned deaf to their calls. The atmosphere becomes so
unsafe she said that many students and faculty members decide to take a day off
to be safe. I was shocked and hurriedly apologized. I decided to witness things
for my own cause somewhere in the back of my mind I thought she was
exaggerating. There was a media crew standing on one side of the tree that was
there to cover the whole act. I thought, “how can a channel like cover such an
act if her account of things was true?”. I told her that if she felt so
strongly about it then she should raise her objections right there in front of
the whole crowd and make her views known to others. I was assured that there
must be other people in the college other then Shweta and her friends, who
wanted to raise objections or tone down the level of vulgarism involved in the
tradition. Personally I had no problem with the display of contraceptives but
in my view to get a condom thrown at you must be very offending to anyone. It
was than that the group of young men who had taken upon themselves to adorn the
tree finally finished. A commotion of their friends came along with the loud
noise of a beating drum from the boys hostel. One of them, who was dressed in
what is officially known as the election attire in that campus, came forward
and urged the students gathered there to go to the boys hostel and participate
in the pooja, and he also reminded everyone to get the ‘prasad’ with a sinister
wink to his friends. Afterwards I was told that he was the hostel president. I
was also told that the elections were something that the hostel controlled and
they could make the administration yield to anything. To my surprise hardly any
of the girls and boys moved, it was only the hostel boys and their companions
who stood around the tree. They returned to the hostel for a brief while.
Seeing an opportunity I asked her to get on the pedestal and address the crowd.
Without waiting to spare a thought she went up on the pedestal and started
speaking. She first introduced herself and started telling about the accounts
of those students who did not feel good about this display of male vulgarity in
their campus. She begin by saying that many of the students who came from rural
backgrounds could not associate, could not connect to this tradition and that
it was just for a group of city bred students who understood the whole concept;
thus puncturing the claim that the ritual was a college ritual got a major
beating. The three of us were standing down there and listening to her. With
every statement she made my heart swell with pride. Many people assembled
around her and started listening intently. Some who worked for the college
magazine started making notes and even the lady from the news channel started
recording her statement. Some of the boys from the group who had stayed back
went into panic mode. They started shouting at her but to no avail, she
continued without the least of worries. By this time one of my comrades reached
there and he expressed his appreciation on such a courageous move. Then the
commotion of men returned from the pooja and on seeing there ceremony hijacked,
they came running to the pedestal. That group of 50 men hurdled around her and
started shouting,”Fuck Off” and “Bhaag Ja”. But she continued telling the
people how even lady lecturers are afraid of these men and the whole event. It
was then that the men raised such a hue and cry that her voice got drowned
among the noise. I felt helpless. Among the hundreds of students gathered there
none came forward to ask the men to let them listen to her. She kept standing
there while all of them surrounded her and tried to intimidate her. In a jiffy
I decided that I had to somehow help her continue and somehow prevent a
seemingly inevitable skirmish; but then I thought I should wait for some time
because she was sending out a clear message that women don't need men to
protect them. My comrade told me that I should get up on the stage and try to
pacify the young men. I was a little hesitant since neither I nor my friends
were from the college we were standing in. In the background someone shouted,”
Chandigarh se aayein hain toh thokne ke liye”, clearly giving out the
collective signal of the ritual. It was a celebration of male dominance over
the female sex. Some of the men started dancing to the beats from the drum and
asked others to join. Many others hurled
abuses, while a group of girls standing next to me expressed their irritation
at her words. I couldn't take there gibberish no more, I turned to them and asked
for the reason of dissatisfaction. They told me that according to them anyone
who doesn't like the concept of the ritual is not welcome and she should just
stay away and that they considered her conduct too “unladylike” to argue with
her. To that I replied that the college is a place for all the students and
anyone has the right to object to any practice that affects the whole student
body. They stood there silent and drew long faces. Then I asked them, “if you
are so much for the pooja and the celebration, why didn't you go the boys
hostel to get the Prasad? And why don’t you go and dance among those men?”.
Again they were silent. “Its just because you are afraid and you know the whole
thing is not safe. You are doing just for the sake of being cool!”, I shouted.
I turned to my left and saw Ketaki and Oshin arguing with other people on the
same front. This is when I noticed that some of the men standing on the
pedestal were trying to push her down. In a reflexive move I got there and on
the top of my voice shouted that if even one of the women from among the crowd
declares that she feels safe here and is willing to go to the boys hostel or
dance with the men, then we will leave. As I expected none came forward and the
group of aviator wearing women that I had earlier conversed with just stood
there staring at me. My two friends followed me to the pedestal and all of us
stared conversing with the crowd. The group of men surrounding us, trying to
push us down the three of us must have been bizarre. About 12 pairs of hands
grabbed me from all directions as I stood by Shweta and some of the men asked
me, ”What college are you from?”, in an angry tone. There was so much of
vengeance in their eyes, I felt like I was there enemy number one. Some of them
tried to grab my collar but I waded through with the help of my fists. Some of
them told me, “get her down or we will beat her and you and your friends”. I
tried telling them that there college is a democratic space and everyone should
have a right to express themselves. My comrade, who was standing in the crowd, pulled
me down and told me to not name my college. He wanted me to stay back among the
crowd and said,” You can Be killed! I couldn't understand, why he was asking me
to stay back? This was not the time when I would think about my own welfare. We
were facing a hostile crowd of hundreds for speaking out the truth. All of a
sudden someone from among the rowdy men gathered there burst a condom that was hanging
over Ketaki’s head taking her by complete surprise. The whole crowd went silent
for a second as I hurried up to her. All the men and women around us laughed as
the three of looked about us. The hostel president shouted, “Hindu Ko Salaam!”
and bowed to the crowd. The crowd gathered about the tree cheered and bowed
back. Some of them were as taken back as we were but none dared to speak. For a
moment we were silent but we understood that we cant allow the hooligans to
subdue us. I again got on the pedestal and shouted,” You are all cowards and
you should all be ashamed that a fellow student is being treated this way in
your college. Don't forget today its us and tomorrow it can be anyone of you,
if you allow such blatant act of harassment here”. Some of the men gathered
around Oshin tried to push her around but she didn't move and grabbed one of
them and gave him a push. I was so impressed by her move. Some of the men who
had by now recognized me and my comrade told the others that we were members of
the All India Students Association(AISA). They started chanting,” AISA Go
Back!”, and again the crowd cheered them on. To be honest we were not there to
advertise for our party, we just happened to be there by accident. Some of the
men huddled around me and said,” We will kill you and these girls if you don't
get out of here right now”. I wasn't scared. I told Shweta that we have made
our point and that now we can leave. It was then that we got down from the
pedestal and the men took over. As we walked away from the spot I looked back
and saw that group of girls standing there dumbfounded. We stood in a corner,
listening to their chants of go backs and salaams. No one spoke to each other
but we could listen to our hearts, they were beating fast. The anger we had
felt at ours protests was back. We were all contemplating about something, our
thoughts, our beliefs and ourselves. All of us knew that students from that
college had also been there at Vijay Chowk protesting in the aftermath of the
rape incident, but we could not figure out why no one dared to speak out. Were
they afraid? Yes, they could have been, but if they were, then how could they
expect to change a country when they didn't have the courage to stop such a
shameful act in their very own college? Were we all so fickle? Cowardly? The
students of Hindu were not so offended at the fact that we, who were outsiders
dared to speak against a sexist ritual in their college; but at the fact that
they, who were students of the college could not, and some outsiders had the
will to put them, and their college to shame. The boys who were trying to
intimidate us were not individuals; they constituted a crowd that had no face.
It was this facelessness that gave them the courage to indulge their vices. I
was no longer very confident about crowds. My state of mind became very
turbulent. Some days before the incident I was imagining that the young people
from all over the country can bring a flooding change, but in that moment of
truth I was rudely reminded that a lot needed to be done. It was difficult to
come to peace with the fact that the men inside actually wanted to hurt me and
my friends. Though I always knew that our University and Delhi as a city was
not what it appeared to be, but going through that experience was very
liberating. I could not help laughing at the fact that most students think of
D.U and especially North Campus as a ‘modern’ place, where men and women can
walk around in pajamas and boxers. In that moment of truth I realized that a
whole life of struggle was waiting ahead for me. I wasn't discouraged in the
least, witnessing the courage of my two friends was in itself a boost to my
aspirations. The so called pooja was a celebration of fear and sexual
harassment, by continuing with it the college and its students were imitating
our society which continues with “rituals” that instill regressive ideas under
the name of religion. The boys who felt so secure in their disrespectful
indulgences would eventually turn sadists, lacking any hint of a moral compass.
I also wondered,” what was it in me that made me stand up to such a
situation?”. I honestly don’t know. I often think about it but the only answer
I get is that it was the right thing to do. Later we sat for a meal with a
couple of other girls at Ramjas College and had a good laugh about it. What I
always wanted was, a life without fear for anyone and that is what my personal
struggle was about. The young boys and girls who think of themselves as a
panacea for all the rot in our society must introspect. Lets ask each other,
is this the atmosphere that we want to hand over to our kids and their
generation, a society where fear and sexual violence prevail?